If someone wants to connect with you, they usually don’t say “Hey, I would like to connect with you.” Instead, they will make a bid for connection.
A bid for connection is an attempt to get your attention, and indicates the desire for connection.
Bids for connection can be verbal, like:
- “Hey, look at that pretty flower!”
- “What are you up to at work?”
- “I’ve had such a rough day.”
They can also be nonverbal, such as:
- Sighing
- Pointing at something
- Sitting close to you
What does it mean to turn toward someone? It means recognizing and engaging with your partner when they bid for your connection.
Here’s an example:
Your partner says, “Hey, look at that pretty flower!”
Turning away: Ignoring their comment, changing the topic
Turning toward: “Wow, that is beautiful!”
The impact of turning toward your partner:
Dr. John Gottman conducted a study with newlyweds and followed up with them six years after they got married. Many couples stayed together, and many divorced. Gottman found that the couples that stayed together turned toward each other 86% of the time. Couples that got divorced only turned toward each other 33% of the time.
Resources:
Turn Towards Instead of Away
